Stuck!!

Nights take eons to day,
days take ages to die.
the breath has forgotten to breathe;
like an elevator in an old edifice
something is stuck somewhere.
a sigh of succor comes to me when
my breath gets entangled with yours.
when my forlorn eyes rest upon
memories worth clinging to,
dreams worth dying for.
someone is stuck somewhere.

Smoke, flies and confinement

The window says there is a happy breeze outside
but how it evades me!
escaping the rotten odor that emanates.
someone has died inside me.
efforts to cremate him go in vain.
the smoke of a cigarette doesn't burn him
it doesn't even suffocate the inhabitants of my heart.
instead they run away and take shelter in my memories.
the gut rumbles and twists in pain
indicate years of suffering ahead.
it is still not my time.
every minute wounds, the last one kills.
as for this moment what is left is helpless waiting,
all that is left is smoke, flies and confinement.

kill

After living under this misconception that time heals up all the wounds of the past, i came to realize that all of this is a fallacy. time is a cheat. it doesn't have all those miraculous healing powers which it boasts of. it just covers up everything by the dust of the present or maybe it sweeps up everything and pushes it under the carpet. to think that the pain has subsided will be foolishness because it never does. it is always ready to pounce back and get you by your neck in an unguarded moment. time is in fact a great murderer who enjoys seeing its prey writhing in cold blood. no fun for him if the prey dies quickly. it waits. yes it waits till the time you believe that you are happy, and then it comes in front of you baring its fangs and flexing its paws. all those memories come in front of you in the form of drool, dripping from its dark mouth. it makes you taste its poisonous secretions. when you are sufficiently incapacitated by it then it hovers around you. watching. watching your contorted face. all this while making you suffer and beg for repose. and then? then what? it kills you? no. it doesn't kill you. it is not in his power to kill you. it makes you wish for an eternal sleep and when you have conjured up enough power to call on that beautiful angel of mercy then it fights.it fights death. fights a fierce battle. never allowing her to come near you.that is why, if you ever noticed, it is so hard to die when you require it the most. god bless lady death who finally manages to cage time and frees us of its pain. it takes long but ultimately time is defeated. mercy!

A Word

By the way I just wanted to add…given my present circumstances, suddenly Salvador Dali’s ‘Cannibalism in autumn’ has become my favorite painting. Watch it, admire it and beware.

Rise of the Phoenix

The day is falling in drops of red. It’s shaded with the fears of isolation…for ever and ever. I think it’s time I celebrated the dawn of a new era in my life, a new era without hopes, without friends, without relatives, without desires, without love, without care. An era which braves the world, the new world. Welcome to the new world, my new world, which leads me to a never ending quest of finding my shattered fragments and fragments of that flint which I wanted for me. The wall which fell on me for the want of that stone. I wonder if its fragments are lying somewhere along with mine. How I wish to whack everyone in my way, how I want to pour that boiling toxin on them which is brewing inside me. I’m afraid that it’s so toxic that the new world will not sustain it. I’m not that ruthless, I never used to be, I’ll never be, even in my new world. I will pour that liquid drop by drop into the unconscious ears of humanity. I’ll rejoice as I see the world melt in front of me like I saw the old world melting away last night. As it flows away I’ll search for my scattered fragments buried somewhere under its happiest places. Beware! You unsuspecting new world! Don’t say that I came without a warning! In the meantime I’ll go to my favorite haunt where I can smoke on the terrace, all the while seeing ignorant fools having coffee together and looking forward to their happy lives. After that I’ll get stoned, never to wake up from that delirium again. Yes I breathe fire! Beware! The phoenix is rising.

The night i didn't dream

My computer acts weird. I try to open Microsoft word but it doesn’t. Feels like it’s saying that it’s no use writing anymore. I look at my cell phone; it stares back at me listlessly. Inanimate piece of technology. I feel like vomiting, but I can’t. Feels like my body is saying that there’s nothing left inside. It really bad when that happens to you. I go to the terrace and watch the skyline languidly. Rain stings on my shirtless form. I smoke a cigarette and throw the packet. Wait! What have I done! Maybe there was more in it! Unfortunately it’s not coming back. It’s lost in the bushes below, dark and the entangled like the human mind. I close my eyes. I take a drag and grip my waist with my inert hands. I breathe in and feel like expanding with every drag I take. I grow and I grow to the limits of elasticity. Limits unbounded by human reasoning. Then I explode in splinters. My parched flesh flying with lightening speed over the skies. Some fell in the pond, some even traveled distances and fell in the cantt and some fell in the otherwise bustling city malls. Whole night they were stung by rain. Smelling a known smell the fishes swam with expectation and had them as their breakfast, only to spit it due to its bitterness. They are not used to this. They were fed with sweet bread of affection daily. The dogs used to love flesh, but they spit it out, it wasn’t even human. The bustling city malls trampled it under their clueless feet as the pieces writhe under them, not with pain but with their negligence. Don’t they recognize their own kind?

They failed

Blood shot eyes of sleepless nights,
Screaming for help with silent sighs.
The bid to explain, a state so wane,
Crushed to pieces by the hands of vain.
The demise of sanity the death of want,
The fickle ones snicker, still doth taunt.
The ship of fancy, never it sailed,
They never tried, thus they failed!