A Word

By the way I just wanted to add…given my present circumstances, suddenly Salvador Dali’s ‘Cannibalism in autumn’ has become my favorite painting. Watch it, admire it and beware.

Rise of the Phoenix

The day is falling in drops of red. It’s shaded with the fears of isolation…for ever and ever. I think it’s time I celebrated the dawn of a new era in my life, a new era without hopes, without friends, without relatives, without desires, without love, without care. An era which braves the world, the new world. Welcome to the new world, my new world, which leads me to a never ending quest of finding my shattered fragments and fragments of that flint which I wanted for me. The wall which fell on me for the want of that stone. I wonder if its fragments are lying somewhere along with mine. How I wish to whack everyone in my way, how I want to pour that boiling toxin on them which is brewing inside me. I’m afraid that it’s so toxic that the new world will not sustain it. I’m not that ruthless, I never used to be, I’ll never be, even in my new world. I will pour that liquid drop by drop into the unconscious ears of humanity. I’ll rejoice as I see the world melt in front of me like I saw the old world melting away last night. As it flows away I’ll search for my scattered fragments buried somewhere under its happiest places. Beware! You unsuspecting new world! Don’t say that I came without a warning! In the meantime I’ll go to my favorite haunt where I can smoke on the terrace, all the while seeing ignorant fools having coffee together and looking forward to their happy lives. After that I’ll get stoned, never to wake up from that delirium again. Yes I breathe fire! Beware! The phoenix is rising.

The night i didn't dream

My computer acts weird. I try to open Microsoft word but it doesn’t. Feels like it’s saying that it’s no use writing anymore. I look at my cell phone; it stares back at me listlessly. Inanimate piece of technology. I feel like vomiting, but I can’t. Feels like my body is saying that there’s nothing left inside. It really bad when that happens to you. I go to the terrace and watch the skyline languidly. Rain stings on my shirtless form. I smoke a cigarette and throw the packet. Wait! What have I done! Maybe there was more in it! Unfortunately it’s not coming back. It’s lost in the bushes below, dark and the entangled like the human mind. I close my eyes. I take a drag and grip my waist with my inert hands. I breathe in and feel like expanding with every drag I take. I grow and I grow to the limits of elasticity. Limits unbounded by human reasoning. Then I explode in splinters. My parched flesh flying with lightening speed over the skies. Some fell in the pond, some even traveled distances and fell in the cantt and some fell in the otherwise bustling city malls. Whole night they were stung by rain. Smelling a known smell the fishes swam with expectation and had them as their breakfast, only to spit it due to its bitterness. They are not used to this. They were fed with sweet bread of affection daily. The dogs used to love flesh, but they spit it out, it wasn’t even human. The bustling city malls trampled it under their clueless feet as the pieces writhe under them, not with pain but with their negligence. Don’t they recognize their own kind?

They failed

Blood shot eyes of sleepless nights,
Screaming for help with silent sighs.
The bid to explain, a state so wane,
Crushed to pieces by the hands of vain.
The demise of sanity the death of want,
The fickle ones snicker, still doth taunt.
The ship of fancy, never it sailed,
They never tried, thus they failed!

demise of a madman

One day I told somebody these lines I had known… "I’ve found both Freedom and safety in my madness; the freedom of loneliness and the safety of being understood." Somebody found it to be a great idea for a human being and preferred to make me mad and gave me loneliness of thoughts and emotions and ensured that I’d be never understood again. Sometimes we dig our own graves and lie inside wondering if we started out by digging a palace for ourselves. We wonder if these graves could have been the foundations of a palace if only we were allowed to dig deeper. Unfortunately humans suffer from an acute deficiency of patience. I hope they’d recover soon and when they understand this then maybe they can put a red rose on my grave for all I believed and dug for.

Yes I plucked the loveliest flowers

Yes I plucked the loveliest flowers,
Yes I picked the prettiest pearls,
Yes I fancied the farthest dreams,
Yes I heard the sweetest speech,
Yes I sang the sublimest songs,
Yes I dared the scariest dreams,
Yes I touched the warmest heart,
Yes I touched the coldest flint,
Yes I suffered the daunting misery,
Yes, I loved with all my heart,
Yes I lost, and yet I won!

Long you are gone

My fears my follies strummed in a song,
I sing alone, long you are gone.
Embedded like a shingle, I wear my moan,
I sing alone, long you are gone.
Like the lass who feeds the fawn,
I sing alone, long you are gone.
Amidst the rye, like a farmer’s son,
I sing alone, long you are gone.
O callous one won’t you hear my yarn?
I sing alone, long you are gone.

Absence

Meet, depart
Lonely heart.
Whispers, silence
Gentle violence.
Joy, sadness
Sanity, madness
Crave, reject
Trust, deject
Despair, long
Lovely song.